honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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