So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
