Where is the hickey?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
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He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...