I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear