My liver just broke up with me...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.