Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off