I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.