I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he quoted the bible to break up with me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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