can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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