I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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