Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
