my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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