ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
