i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
