I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
