someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you win again, gameday.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
