So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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