Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
