Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
