She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
