I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
