cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dick very happy bro
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize