So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
