i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
