wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
