I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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