Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
