mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
