How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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