He told me they were just razor bumps!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
