he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
