I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
