Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize