I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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