When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
