I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
