I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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