I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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