I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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