I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
