So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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