nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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