I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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