I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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