new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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