Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I can text with my tongue
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
