Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
