Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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