Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize