you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
