They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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