We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
