did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
