you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
