I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
