If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
