lets start a swedish sibling band together
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
