I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
