I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize