Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
