I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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