He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
