I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
